Making time for me is something I seem to be learning a lot slower than making time for other people. It is hard to prioritise ‘me time’ and a bit of self indulgence without a little guilt. Not a ‘I don’t deserve it’ guilt…because I know I do. Just guilt about what I prioritise …if something else needs squeezing into my day it is my sleep and/or my ‘me time’ that suffer. It’s everything apart from my yoga that has disappeared slowly from my life. The things that other people do…shop, party, get pampered, spend long hours talking about nothing very much at all! I am happy in my life, just aware that is isn’t a balanced way to be living. I know that I do need a bit of involvement in the more normal activities of the world!! If only to stop everybody nagging me about it!
I practice tapas (discipline) with my self practice. This is usually a very non physical meditation and pranayama (breathing practice). Partly as I am aware without it, I give a good impression of a shaken champagne bottle with a loosened top…precariously near to bubbling over! For the sanity of my associates and friends it seems a good idea not to let that lapse. After all even with a strong self practice I can nearly bubble over at times, especially if (like recently) I am enjoying the universe manifesting some of my dreams into reality and placing amazing people & opportunities into my path. However even when I am externally bouncing I enjoy an inner peace (although some find it hard to believe) and my time on my mat is my quiet head time where thoughts just drift off and space and peace remain. I need more self indulgence than this though.
I don’t miss the shopping; believe me I have enough shoes to last me a lifetime, and things don’t really interest me that much; not enough to brave the scary world of shopping malls and city centres anyway! However it is the pottering time I miss! The quiet hours spent gardening, cleaning, ironing or listening to music. The time to enjoy hours catching up with old friends or family occasions.
I love my life and am honoured to teach my classes and share time with my individual students. I love the training and workshops I often attend at weekends. I often feel the more I learn the less I know and hence want to devour books, ingest knowledge and attend as many workshops as I can afford with inspirational teachers. This is me time too…in a way…but I am learning I need more. A world outside of Yoga in Cheshire as a business and a teacher (as a yogi I don’t think you ever get time away from yoga). Maybe to attend a class without thinking…that’s a lovely transition or what a good way of explaining something (is that possible once you teach?). More time on my mat that is as self absorbed as my daily practice. Time where I forget the whats, wheres and whoms and just am. Time to be me, not because I need to in order to maintain my balance, but just because I want to and I can. Time to choose whether to curl up with a book, phone a friend or just cook an amazing dinner.
I am like a girl in the first flush of love…I want to spend every hour of every day with my lover…it’s just as my lover is also my work, my hobby and something I share with many of my friends it really doesn’t give me the variety we all need in our lives. So those of you who think I do not listen…I do..it’s just I have to believe that it is me that made the decision and came to the realisation that it isn’t a healthy way to continue That balance is about more than maintaining a calm inner mind and a comfortably strong yet flexible body. That balance is about variety in more than just my practice, my learning and my teaching. That my need to play & explore has to extend off my mat.
It isn’t easy when you are self employed to accept that you are in a position to say no thank you to all that is offered to you. That I have enough amazing students and classes and that I should not compromise my sleep or pottering time to be up to date on paperwork or accommodate others. It isn’t easy for me to accept that some learning has to be postponed until a later date. That I can attend that teacher’s workshop next time they come to the UK. I’m learning that time is precious and I need to enjoy the now and consolidate my knowledge where it is rather than continually building more. I think that this will always be my hardest lesson to learn.
However I am learning to free time up for me time. So I am proud to say that this week I have postponed a couple of Yoga in Cheshire holidays I had planned until later in 2012 and summer 2013. I have kept my weekend in June and a few workshops, and of course my wonderful fun classes that are often the highlights of my week, but apart from that the summer is about pottering time. I am re finding ‘me time’ and even taking a week off after the August bank holiday. So instead I may start the new kitchen design and downstairs toilet I have been meaning to get around to all this year. Now just because I am taking time off yoga doesn’t mean I am going to sit around indulging in wine and cake…that wouldn’t be me…but I am going to have a lot more non yogi fun too. So if you see me changing this plan please feel you have my permission to kick my yogi butt back on track and off my mat a bit more!